|
the_whiners_bio
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Emily
Country: United States
State: Washington
Metro: Seattle
Birthday: 12/18/1982
Gender: Female
Interests: cheese
Expertise: not knowing what to do
Occupation: Retired
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message me
Member Since:
6/21/2005
|
|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| so, it's almost over, the year 2007 that is...
what have i learned? not sure entirely, but i have lived
it's been a full year for me. waco, oh waco, reconciling relationships, making decisions for myself, living my own life, leaving people i love very much, moving, seattle!, going back to school, starting over, meeting new people, changing, learning that i didn't really need/want to change, being ok with the person i am no matter how crazy and abrasive, finding joy out of living, still finding sadness, realizing how fast this year went by...
to everyone that has been a part of my life in the past year, thank you. you have made it possible for me to make it.
| | |
| so i found this in one of my old journals, and seeing as how sid, you're pretty much the only person who reads this any more, i though you might appreciate it...
thoughts consume my mind
day and night fighting
brain sending messages to body
lying, paralyzing feelings
holding by thread to what seems reality
flirting with frivolous fiction
which side will win
it's funny to read back through stuff that i wrote over 3 and 4 years ago, thinking how different things would be. but what i've realized is that they're not too far from where i am now. as far as the feelings go anyways, situations are extremely different.
oh well, i'm sure you'll let me know what you think.... | | |
|
what do you really want? it's the question that plagues everyone at various points in their lives. no, i'm not talking about food choices or what clothes to wear. i'm talking about those big things. life...
i've decided what my big "want" is. i want to be wanted. not necessarily in a sexual or romantic way, but in every way possible. i want to be wanted as a friend, not just someone who seems cool to be around or that you hang out with in class or work just because i'm there, but because you're afraid of what you might miss if i'm not in your life. i don't want to always be asked "how can i pray for you?", although i understand the purpose of prayer. i just think people can be genuine without having to push the God envelope. i want to be wanted as an employee; i want all of the hard work and effort that i put forth to be noticed, and maybe even rewarded. i want to be wanted as a student, for the acknowledgement that my work is good and i'm here for a good reason. i want to be wanted as a sister and a daughter. i want to be wanted...
now, i realize this could sound slightly selfish. i agree, but i think i've also said something that most people are thinking. i haven't said it to get pity or to try and win friends. i said it because it's how i feel. maybe the wanting is for acceptance, although i'm not willing to change who i am for that to happen, and i'm proud of the person i am. i think this also has a lot to do with how people perceive purpose. if i am not satisfied with the people around me, then how am i expected to be satisfied with where i am in life, even if it seems to be exactly what i want? how and when do those two things meet up? do they ever?
i'm not sure if i will be content with everything, but i guess for now the only thing i can do is continue to want people like i would want them to want me, although it may never be reciprocated. my heart is so heavy sometimes i don't know if i can survive. like there's something inside me waiting to burst.... | | |
| Well, i finally made it to seattle....
....now let's see if i can make it in seattle.
i've been here for three weeks, and i'm liking it so far. it's hard being completely alone again. but then again, if nobody calls me to do something, it's because i live here and nobody else does. so it makes me feel a little better not having any friends, jk. starting over's exciting and scary at the same time. i do have my cat, though, and sometimes he's a bitch...
i've just been working and getting settled into my studio apartment. work's been pretty ok, with some cool people. this is definitely the most diary-like entry i think i've ever made. kind of weird...
so, anyways....
getting pretty anxious about school. it starts on monday. i have to wear a chef's uniform. potentially embarrassing. i'll try to make the most of it, though.
the other day i almost got hit by a car. yeah, i was walking on a crosswalk, with the "walk" man, and the guy honks at me for crossing...
just remember, pedestrians always have the right of way.
then today, somebody got hit by a car right outside my building... | | |
| apparently i'm a pretty good actress, and have amazing facial expressions...
who knew?
while at a sort of party for work, a girl wanted to start a hot dog eating contest. she asked me to get other people to join, but only one other girl wanted to play. the other girl ended up beating her a whopping 10 hot dogs to 3...in like two minutes
it was intense, like camping....
| | |
|
